August 2010
30 posts
Mint condition...
Elaine will tell you, the key to a successful mojito party is rotating your muddlers.
People who need people...
Elaine blamed herself for not being more specific with Gary in her request for him to “put up some pictures of people.”
Table for one...
Gary hated mornings when Elaine went to her early Zumba class, but at least it gave him the chance to reflect on his early sketches and pray to his lucky number.
Having a ball...
Gary insists that if Luke must partake in a “sissy activity” like reading he should man it up a little, lest anyone forget that his first love is, of course, sports.
No bones about it...
To be fair Elaine, I specifically asked not to be in charge of decor for the wake.
Faces to know...
Every fall, Gary and Elaine display pictures of the neighborhood children they consider the “biggest troublemakers.”
A full plate...
Nothing enraged Elaine more than Gary openly defying the clear directions she so painstakingly etched onto the serving platter.
The cigator says...
Gary and Elaine still aren’t sure where the kids’ slow progress in learning animal names is coming from.
Walk the walk...
Gary was really upset that he missed his corporate retreat so he made me light these mats on fire last night before he got into bed.
Bon voyage...
In her annual end-of-season ritual, Elaine sent the outdated summer cushions out to sea.
Mind your p's and q's...
Brooks and Chloe’s diabolical plan to “revolutionize” the alphabet did not go unnoticed by their parents.
Neigh sayers...
Gary, I swear this is the first I’m hearing of your “intense love” of horses, and frankly it’s somewhat troubling.
Life's simple pleasures...
After a long day, nothing pleased Gary more than sitting down to a tasty bowl of rocks with his best friend Gus at his feet.
We have a sit-uation here...
Gary, you know what I meant by “just put the chairs anywhere.” Now get down from there and fix it before everyone gets here.
Urning the right...
The only things Elaine treasures more than her prized blue and white urn collection are the framed drawings of her blue and white urn collection.
It's that time of year...
Some people have desk calendars that say what day it is, but Gary prefers something more basic.
What's in a name...
Despite relegating three of our own children to the “Happy Holidays” frames, Gary felt the Allens had sent us enough family photos to warrant their own engraving.
Be prepared...
Elaine got the feeling that Gary planned to stay in the bathroom for a long time.
Sweet dreams...
Elaine still can’t understand why Gary keeps having nightmares about being smothered by birds.
The ultimate rebuttal...
Every day, Gary heaved a heavy sigh as he saw his dreams of being a world-class debate champion transformed into a haircare receptacle.
Pillow talk...
Gary, for pity’s sake just buy some Preparation H.
Slightly off-key...
Gary was sure the arrangement of the pictures was a clue to which key would get him out of here once and for all.
Paint by numbers...
Yes Elaine, I did get the hint that you want to go to the ocean. Why don’t you address my hint first and get me some coffee.
Feeling weighed down...
Elaine, have you thanked me yet for putting a twig on your books so they don’t blow away? Hm?
What the shell...
I keep this on the hall table almost exclusively for the occasions when Gary tells me to shut my clam.
Picking favorites...
The other kids always wonder why Jessica is the only one who gets to smile on Sundays.
The bigger the cushion...
With Elaine out of town, Gary finally had the chance to try his stuntman jump from the roof.
Reward yourself...
Gary, that airplane picture is not “a complex puzzle” and successfully putting it together does not entitle you to two beers and a glass of breadsticks.