September 2010
28 posts
Play ball!
On a cold winter night, nothing pleases Gary and Elaine more than snuggling up in their comfy metal chairs and tossing around the decorative polyhedron.
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Taking it easy...
Intimidated by the size of the book on the table, Gary decided to keep it light and just read the pillows instead.
Tying one on...
When Gary and Elaine host a cocktail party, you can always rest assured that they’ll be serving at least one bowl of giant rope.
Packing on the pounds...
Gary always hated how skinny he and Elaine looked in their wedding picture.
You can smell the danger...
Gary was so terrified by the open flame near the stack of antique books that he didn’t even notice the liberated spider planning the captive one’s escape.
Taking a time out...
Sometimes, Gary explained to Elaine, a man just needs to grab one of his books under glass, sit under his antlers, and relax.
What side are you on...
Upon entering the living room, guests are often torn as to whether Gary and Elaine deeply love America or are Russian spies.
Use your big boy furniture...
Gary, we got the desk and Medieval Torture Chair you wanted, so why do you still insist on reading on the floor? Now, where’s that beige book I came in here for?
The cat's meow...
Well Elaine, if they’re just pillows then why do we have a litter box? And more importantly, who is using it?
Pay attention next time...
Despite Elaine’s simple instructions (position 2 wooden pedestals on the table so that the smaller is rotated 45 degrees and tucked slightly under the larger one, top both with leaves and put just cheese on one and just figs on the other), Gary still managed to screw it up.
The band doesn't play on...
Ever since he was a child, Gary had wanted to play the decorative yellow stringless mini-cello, but he had to admit he did not take to it as naturally as he had hoped.
I'm in the mood...
Candles? Convex mirrors? Gary must have something really romantic planned for our anniversary!
Be a deer...
Gary and Elaine realized that hiring a deer as their babysitter was unorthodox, but at $8 an hour how could they resist?
Take your pick...
Elaine! Which brown bottle and which white towel???
Elaine doesn't care but Gary gets competitive...
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Get out the rakes...
Gary and Elaine knew fall was here when the Novelty Bin and Mushroom Tree started shedding its leaves.
Your biggest fan...
Sure, I enjoy a little breeze at night, but Gary can only sleep in “deck of a fast-moving ship” wind levels.
Cooking up a storm...
Gary, I know for a fact it took you four times as long to put that decal on the wall than it would have taken to actually clean up.
The tides are turning...
Gary Jr. was getting a little tired of his parents none-too-subtle digs at his recent bed-wetting phase.
I knead to believe...
Despite his age, Gary still held on to the childhood belief that when dinner ended he should leave a baguette on his chair for the Starch Fairy.
Pucker up...
After a long day, nothing pleases Elaine more than taking off her bracelets and digging into a big bowl of lemons.
Ahoy matey...
Gary and Elaine are pleased that their son sleepwalks in character, despite his recent threat to keelhaul them when they put him back to bed.
Size matters...
Frankly Gary, I’m still worried that the Turners are going to think our lamps are too small.
Dough, oh dear...
Everyone in the neighborhood always looked forward to pulling up a comfy stool and enjoying Elaine’s 4-course bread dinner.
Heads up...
We had been married 15 years when I discovered Gary’s skull vase and at that point, really, what was I going to do?
Rise and shine...
I finally gave in to Gary’s wish to put a picture of his mother by the bed. I foolishly assumed he had meant on his side.
Lights, camera...
Gary, when I said I was going away for the weekend I recall specifically asking you not to make another one of your “art films.”